By Sharon Gorman, D.C.
I spoke at New Beginnings this weekend. As you stand in front of the audience in front of you is a device someone created. It is a red light, green light and yellow light mounted on wood. It tells you when you are running out of time and when you should end your talk. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if people could wear one of these devices on their forehead? Wouldn’t it be nice to know when someone has stopped listening to you when you are talking to them so that you could know when to stop talking?
Sometimes I find myself talking at people instead of to them and I usually don’t figure that out until way to late. I am so interested in making my point I forget that just because I am saying it doesn’t mean they are hearing it. I would like to know when it happens. What is it that I say that causes someone to turn me off? How can I better communicate? I mean I know how to talk; my question is how can I better communicate? The best kind of communication is when I can relay a feeling.
For example my feeling about chiropractic. I have such a passion for passing on what I have come to find to be a reality concerning the lifelong health of people. I’ve got to be careful that I give them the principle in small enough bites so that they can chew it up and swallow it in such a way that it is integrated into their way of thinking. I don’t want them to feel like I am confronting or challenging them. I want them to be attracted to my way of thinking and curious about understanding more about what I love so dearly.
I also need one of these lights at home. Sometimes I talk to my husband way longer than he is listening to me. He is polite enough to continue sitting there and I mistake that for him listening to me. Then I don’t feel like he is understanding what I am saying so I say it with more passion and still don’t feel understood and then I think of another way of saying it and I’m getting more frustrated and sometimes even louder (like I think he all of a sudden developed a hearing problem too.)
When that happens I need to just shut up. He is not giving me permission to enter data into his head. He is not giving me permission to have that conversation at that moment. It won’t get in because he doesn’t want it to get in and I am just trying to overpower him into seeing how I feel. I have a visual about it. I’m talking and it is going over his head and hitting the wall and bouncing back at me. The more it keeps hitting back at me the more I want to reinstate it and try to get it to stick to the wall (or in his head) even more. That is when I get frustrated and try harder. I need to take a different approach. The red light is on. There is a different approach, not more of the same. Before anyone will let you in they usually non verbally have to give you permission. There needs to be a trust factor. There needs to be an attraction.
In reality I think I sometimes know when the red light is on and I keep talking anyway. The more I ignore the red light (or any feeling that I have for that matter ) the less aware I become or de-sensitized to feeling it as time goes on. That is a very dangerous place for me to be in. I stop feeling the feelings and I start feeling very empty. Then I try to fill that void with something outside myself. I need to be willing to feel the feelings. I need to listen to my innate and follow that voice or I will stop hearing that voice and I will start thinking that I am in charge and running the show. That is illusion. God is in control. Being humble is knowing where my place is. There can only be one Sharon. I can’t be one person in one situation and another person in another situation. I need to be true to my feelings and humble.
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