By Sharon Gorman, D.C.
There is a side of me that just wants to isolate. I want to be left alone. I don’t want to have to make any decisions or to please other people. Why am I like that? I so enjoy people and life and yet there is part of me that pulls back. I don’t get enough time to myself these days so that is probably why I feel like that.
I guess that is easier to understand than when I am in relationship with someone and I don’t let them too close. I want to keep the relationship from getting too deep. I want to control the relationship. I am scared of being hurt by that person. I do it sometimes with the people that I want to be close to. I shut down. I can be sitting in a middle of a restaurant and I am isolating and getting lost in my own thoughts. Life doesn’t always have to be deep. It doesn’t always have to be intense.
When you are practicing in a high volume practice it is intense. You have to be as close to 100% all of the time or as you shut down the practice will shut down too. In the practice I am in service. Practice is how I serve God by serving man. I have to make sure I am in good condition in order to do that. I have to be “on” all of the time. I can’t be on if I don’t feel my needs are being taken care of.
There is 100% of me. I get to chose how I am going to spend that 100%. So many of the great chiropractors of our era have burnt themselves out by breaking one of God’s rules of the universe. Balance. They gave until there was nothing left to give and then they lost their love for giving. They burnt out and they couldn’t give what they didn’t have anymore.
I have to be sensitive to the feelings I get that tell me that I might be in danger. If a listen to my feelings when they are whispering than I don’t have to wait until they are screaming. When I get out of whack I usually get sick. That is a scream. I think I am doing someone else good by breaking the rule but I am using this as an excuse to not be at my best. I need to be responsible for my condition and act, not always react. What am I going to do today to make my life more balanced?
Remember if you are not having fun and creating a life full of happiness than you are limiting yourself and your own potential. When you want to be around you than other people will want to be around you too. I have tried to cover up when I have been “off” and yet the truth always come through. In the past it wasn’t as obvious and now as I become more aware of myself I can’t get away with it as much. I am grateful for this though.
This morning I was playing tennis. I was playing with another woman who is about as good as I am. She suggested we play a game rather than volleying. I had played for a couple of hours last night and I wasn’t playing real well but I said yes because I didn’t want to disappoint her. I wanted to go with the flow. The first two games I won real easy. The next two games she won. My fatigue was showing. It was about time to leave so I thanked her and was ready to collect up my stuff and she suggested that we had time for just one game. I agreed for the same reason I agreed to play in the first place. I served. She wiped up the court with me. After the game I apologized to her for playing the last game even though I didn’t feel like it. I lied to her earlier because of my pride and because I didn’t want to make waves. She said no big deal and I’m sure she respected my honesty (finally). What was really gained by me saying yes when I wanted to say no. This is just an example but I cringe to think about all of the times in life I said yes when I should have said no. I need to be true to my own feelings and respect those innate messages that I get instead of always thinking that I know better and I’m in control. When I don’t do what I really want to someone usually has to pay and it is usually is me. By paying I mean that when I am not true to my feelings than I usually punish myself. It’s not worth it yet it is habit. People pleasing. Doing what I think that other people want me to do. It not only hurts me but it hurts my relationship with the people that I think that I am trying to please.
I need to honor my innate. I need to listen to my God within and be internally motivated in my expression to the world. For years I listened to people that I respected instead of trusting my own voice. It wasn’t their fault for being there and telling me what they thought yet I stifled my own expression of God if I impose my will and fear on that expression. Life is too beautiful to live it through anyone else eye’s than my own. I am prone to get more boo boos that way but that is life. The good, the bad and the ugly. I can’t blame others for my decision and for my life yet that is the only way that I can be a full expression of life.
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The Focus Philosophy Weekends in 2003 will all be held in the same hotel in the center of downtown Stroudsburg at the Best Western Hotel – $89 night. Please call or e-mail if you need information on any of these events at www.focuschiropractic.com
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