By Sharon Gorman, D.C.
Have you ever really loved someone and then your relationship with them changed. I was talking to a friend yesterday and we were talking about how life changes and how the people in your life change. We were talking about friends from school, old boyfriends and best girlfriends that moved on when we were no longer single and our lifestyles changed. I was also thinking about relatives. I never could imagine life without my parents or my favorite uncle and yet I’ve been “forced” to in the last 6 years. When I think of these people from my past I sometimes feel sad. I loved them so much and they are no longer in my daily life.
I know this goes on for everyone at this level. After being sad I thought of all the love that I gave them and they gave me. Now that they are gone is that love gone. No, that’s silly. It’s like if a tree falls in the woods and no one hears it does it make a sound. When I am giving love I feel love. That feeling was real and I am blessed for being able to have had it. When that person left my life I did not stop loving. I got used to loving so I took that love energy and placed it elsewhere. Some of those people from my past even taught me how to love. Nothing lost.
I once had this dog. After 14 years she died. I was sad for a long time. After about a year it occurred to me that maybe I should get a new dog. I did. The hole was filled. I loved that new dog. It didn’t take long for me to feel those intense feelings of love again for a dog. I wasn’t stupid for having loved my dog that was now dead. I was richer for having had the first dog in my life. This sounds so simple but think about it for a minute. I have a tendency to shut down to loving others when a “love” is taken out of my life. I get mad at the lost and sad and vow to never be that vulnerable again. What a waste. If I use that “loss” as an excuse to not love again then I am robbed so much of the richness of life. No matter happens with the person I love, the love that I had was real and made me richer. I can’t fear love. Life always changes and some of the people in my life will change to. If I can accept life as it is then I can stop fighting the laws of life and I can walk forward with an open heart willing to risk possible hurt. There is possible hurt yet almost definite rewards in giving that love and opening myself up to the vulnerability of life.
One other group I haven’t mentioned yet are the patients that used to come to me and don’t anymore. I loved them when they were here and who knows they might be back. It’s not my job to figure that out. It is my job is to stay an open vessel of God’s love. I can’t waste my life licking my wounds or feeling abandoned there is too much of God’s work to be done.
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