By Darrel Crain, D.C.
You have got to love the pharmaceutical companies. Once again, they have demonstrated their genuine concern for our health. They are so concerned they are actually “pre-concerned”! You may be asking yourself, what does this mean? It seems that scientists working for the pharmaceutical companies have made a startling discovery. It turns out that millions and millions of us have been walking around here in the United States thinking we were doing okay, but actually we have “Pre-hypertension.” This is heartbreaking news. Many of us have subsequently become pre-concerned ourselves, and even pre-depressed. What can be done?
Not surprisingly, as soon as the dedicated scientists in the drug industry realized there was a problem, they began the painstaking search for a solution. Now, after years of tirelessly working to come to grips with this daunting pre-problem, the solution is at hand. Our only sensible course of action now is to follow drug company recommendations and begin taking care of the situation immediately before actual hypertension shows up. Thanks to all their hard work, we can all stop worrying about our previously unknown health problem and get on with normal life. To make sure pre-hypertension stays in the “pre” stage, all we have to do is to take a drug every day for the rest of our lives. Such a refreshingly ingenious idea may come as a surprise to some people, but I have come to expect nothing less from the laboratories of our fine drug houses.
And here’s the amazing part, the drugs that are needed to treat this terrible silent epidemic have been right under our noses the whole time! That’s right, the very same drugs that we’ve been using to treat actual hypertension will work on pre-hypertension. What a relief! Forget about years of waiting while the FDA wastes precious time and money demanding drug safety trials. This time around there is no need to spend millions on costly focus groups to find the right name for the right drug to treat this new pre-disease. The drugs are already available at your local pharmacy!
I wonder if the drug companies realize the gold mine they may be sitting on here? Do you suppose any of them have pre-considered how much money could be made selling drugs for a whole host of pre-problems that could become actual problems later on? It boggles the mind. People who were aware of all their pre-problems would already be taking their medicine. Then, when their health took a turn for the worse and actual problems showed up, all the doctor would have to do is tweak the dosage!
I’m just wondering though, what if I’ve got some other stuff going on that I don’t know about? Should I take some medication now for pre-headaches and pre-constipation? Come to think of it, we may need a whole new medical specialty just to handle pre-problems of this magnitude. Doctors in the new specialty would be carefully trained to pre-diagnose pre-diseases so they can prescribe pre-medication. Of course, they will also need to know when to refer out for pre-surgery. I guess the only question left is, who is going to pre-pay for all of this?
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Dr. Darrel Crain is a chiropractor, practicing in Alpine, California
Copyright © 2006 Darrel Crain – All rights reserved.
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