By Sharon Gorman, D.C.
A justified resentment is a resentment. When you are resentful you feel resentment. You give off resentment you get back more of the same. By assigning blame on other people serves no purpose. You can’t change others you can only change yourself so if you convince yourself that life is happening to you and you are a mere victim of your circumstances then you resign your ability to change the circumstance because the only person that you can change is yourself. It is awfully hard to change yourself if you don’t take responsibility for your part when it comes to the relationship or event. First you have to be willing to see the whole truth and then you have to isolate your part and then you have to see how you might have acted differently and why you acted the way you acted.
I always get plugged in when people talk about drugs side effects. What is a side effect? There are only effects, not side effects. When it comes to our life, there are only actions what is a re-action? Is a re-action a justified action coming from a justified resentment? You can only be responsible for your actions, not the actions of others. In every action you are responsible for your action.
Like that old definition of insanity, doing the same thing and expecting different results. If you are still re-acting to life then you can even see what the same thing that you are doing is. When you are willing to look at your part then you can actually look at the situation with some clarity. Before you can change it you have to be able to see it. Once you see it then you can choose or not choose to change your behavior.
Once I realized that I am not responsible for other people’s actions, only my own, then and only then could I be truly free and actually be clear on when my behavior is appropriate and when it has not been appropriate. People often ask me how I can be involved with so much and get so much accomplished in my life and the answer lies in this principle. If I can isolate what is my business vs. what is not my business then I realize that I only have to keep my side of the street clean. The other side of the street is not my problem. We waste a lot of time worrying about things that we can’t or shouldn’t change.
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