By Sharon Gorman, D.C.
Haven’t written a Monday Morning Message for a while because I needed some time to reflect and re-group. I needed to evaluate where and when I was spending my energy and time and had to realize that these are my most valuable personal assets. I was serving others to the point that there was nothing left for me. I finished several commitments and I had to re-invest my most valuable asset.
As expected the place that I re-directed my energy flourished the most. The chiropractic practice that I work in has jumped over 200 visits a week and interesting enough my other two practices have grown too. I thought I would get less busy when I gave up these other areas but that hasn’t happened yet. I just re-directed the same amount of energy I have always expended. I suppose I should be grateful for my level of interest and energy and should look again at balancing where I put it. In reality I don’t think that I am ready to lay back yet. I have got too much a hunger to live and a fear that I will miss something. I’m still such a work in process. I have a lot of light yet to shine.
Now let me share about today’s message. Spent the last two days organizing a lifetime of photographs. The kids got into them and created chaos. I hadn’t touched them for the last three years because both of my parents have died in that time frame and I wasn’t ready to deal with the memories that would come up. So I looked for patterns, for trends. When did we look the happiest? When was my weight the heaviest, the lightest? What color was the kids hair at different ages? Now that I’m around half way done with my life what does the first half look like in pictures? What do I want the second half to look like? What do I want to accomplish and be known for? I’m constructing a vision for myself.
I have to stop mourning the people that have died in the last 7 years or so, I am carrying a lot of resentment about the fact that I didn’t get to choose when and how they died. I also have to release some past friends and acquaintances that are no longer in my daily life. I wouldn’t want to go back to my past and I can’t regret that our relationships or circumstances didn’t work out the way that I wanted them to. I need to release them. I need to thank them (in a spiritual sense) for the part they played and realize that they are no longer one of the stars in my show. I need to be grateful that all these people played a part and some of them even taught me something and many of them made me laugh and cry yet I can’t commit my energy to memories. Remember me and you have a finite amount of energy even if it is a lot, it is especially not worth wasting.
So what feels right for my future? Where do I feel like I am making a difference and I feel like I am winning?
Tell you one more interesting concept. As many of you know, I lost over 125 pounds about 8 years ago. Last few years I put a few pounds back for whatever reason. Usually I follow a food plan that eliminates most of the foods that you think would be bad for you including flour and sugar. Even with those restrictions I have stayed around the same weight for the last few years. Boy am I frustrated. So I did something that made no sense at all. I took a break from my food plan. I couldn’t stand feeling like I was losing my battle with food because I wasn’t losing weight. I felt like a loser but not of pounds. How long can I keep something up if I don’t feel like I am winning. I didn’t want to play anymore. So now I sit here today contemplating my next step because I realize there has to be a next step or I’ll do like that definition of insanity, if I do what I used to do before I had a food plan then I would get what I used to get which is over 100 pounds heavier than I am now. So I’m sitting here thinking and the obvious has become glaringly obvious. I have to create a new start and in this new plan I have to create a plan that I am going to win or I am not going to want to play. I don’t see myself as a loser and by looking at the scale I was starting to believe that I was. I’d rather not play than feel like I’m losing.
Now as I contumely re-create my vision and my life I need to use these feelings as a barometer. “I like to win, how can I set it up to win.” How can I make a life that feels good, feels right, feels like I am making a difference. How am I going to deal with the expectations of life that I have. I believe in trying to have acceptance when it comes to situations outside of my control but on the other hand I know what feels right and I want to direct my energy in that direction.
Who do I want to cultivate my relationship with?
What do I want to do to create financial success? For me that means what do I want to do inside Chiropractic to make my living and prosper financially? How many offices do I want to have? How many associates do I want to have? How many patients do I want my offices to see? How many people do I want to physically adjust? How many hours a week am I willing to commit to this vision?
Now I have to look at my physical goals. What food guidelines am I willing to follow? I need to set it up for me now that I lose some weight so I feel like I am at the weight that suits my needs now. How many days a week will I work out and again what plan will I set that I can accomplish and feel good about myself. For me I need variation. I need to swim laps one day, play tennis one day, go to the gym a few days a week and go to the track walking a few days a week. Remember it is your life, set it up so you can win.
Now for spiritual goals. Always seem to think of these last and/or take them for granted. I need to treat my relationship with God as I would any relationship that I want to cultivate. I need to include re-connecting in my daily routine because it is so easy to forget as you see how late in this article I am including it. How often will I pray and meditate daily? I often write letters to God to discipline myself to stay centered when I pray. The more I pray the more grateful I stay and the more I focus on the positive in my life and the more I focus on the positive the more positive I get. I find it easier to forgive myself and others when I am well connected and more accepting of living life on life’s terms not Sharon’s terms. I want to live by God’s will not Sharon’s. I also remember to mind my own business. Most things I worry about or even gossip about aren’t any concern of mine at all and I need to focus on keeping my own side of the street clean. God helps me with all of this and has become a very important part of my life. As they say, I am a spiritual being living in a physical world, not the other way around.
I’m just about done except I have to state the one person I often neglect to take care of. That is me. If I use myself up then I have nothing left to give. I have to schedule time in my life that I can become rejuvenated or else I won’t want to play anymore even if it looks like I’m winning in all of the other areas of my life. I need to allow myself to be childlike sometime. I need to work time into my schedule so that I can just be. If I leave out any of these elements then I will end up crumbling or burning out. Yet even if that happens I know I can always brush myself off and re-evaluate and move on. Don’t want to have to go there. Too painful. Don’t want to wait for the pain. Want to set it up so I win. I hope sharing my deepest thoughts today can help you along on your journey too. Would love to hear from you and maybe you can share with me a little about your path. I will be writing again soon but not weekly like the last few years. Always on the quest for balance. I appreciate you more than you know.
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